the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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