Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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