ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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