get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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