Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
