I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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