chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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