I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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