From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
