Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
