Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
