I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
