She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
