i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
