Barsexuality is the new black.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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