tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
