what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
