how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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