I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
