dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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