I'm gonna have a badass scar
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
only if we run a train.
done.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
