Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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