her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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