Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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