i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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