So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
