So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
