I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
