I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
