Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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