this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
