Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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