In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
