I seem to have left my pride at pride
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
