i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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