Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
