so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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