Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
