I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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