i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
this beer tastes like vomit already
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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