you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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