Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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