I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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