I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
