so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
