I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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