Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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