my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
