You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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