alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
God, I missed his penis.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
