i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
