Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
