I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
