Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
