There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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