the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
