I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
