After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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