She is in my trunk
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
