I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
