Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
