Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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