I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.