I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
