So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
