and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
