I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i think i have two assholes
birth control should be required to get into college
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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