Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
